Here we find ourselves, parents across the world all in the same boat. Whether we chose it or not, whether we think we’re up to it or not, whether we have careers outside the home, both parents working from home, preschoolers in the mix, elderly parents to care for, single parent families, or illnesses to suffer through, we are all being forced to connect with our children’s education in a way we never have had to before.
I want to offer three observations that can hopefully provide some encouragement to parents who find themselves overwhelmed in the midst of sifting through an onslaught of information to help them figure out this homeschooling ordeal in a hurry. Between daily emails from teachers, advice for the perfect daily schedule, and endless suggestions for helpful websites, we have the problem of too much information. It’s stressful being bombarded with all of it and wondering if you’ve puzzled all the right pieces together.
My first encouragement is that you are not going to mess this up.
Sure, your kids are not going to learn the same things they would’ve at school. There will likely be outcomes that they don’t meet. And that’s okay. The flip side of missing outcomes is that you’ve likely taught other outcomes that weren’t even in the provincial curriculum. Saint Margaret’s parishioners, Francesco and Amalia Zurzolo, have shared with me that they have used this homeschooling opportunity to have skype visits with Talitha Kaethler, who has sent them resources on the zones of regulation and has walked their children through exercises that develop the important skills of identifying and managing our emotions. We have an opportunity now, in this temporary homeschool atmosphere, to focus on more foundational outcomes like emotional and social well-being. We can spend an entire day managing bickering siblings or shoveling ourselves out of two feet of snow and chalk it up as character education and practical life skills. Erik and Alicia Hogman, who live on a farm just outside of Winnipeg, and one of the few “true” homeschooling families in our parish have decided to spend their entire mornings outside with their 3 children, leaving Math, English, History and other fun stuff for the afternoons and evenings. Erik says, “they just go play outside … through the course of the year the kids are certainly involved in and around the practical work and care of the animals, from barn cleaning, rabbit breeding, gathering eggs, butchering etc. But it is not structured at all, they learn from osmosis, from being around it, watching and participating if they want to. Life is homeschooling.”
My second observation that I hope offers some encouragement, is
You are your child’s best teacher, even if they don’t think so.
My 7 year old daughter has loved all her teachers. But the poor girl was gravely disappointed when she met her homeschooling teacher. Mom was nothing like her teachers at school. This was gonna suck. And she was sort of right. It did suck, at first. As she excitedly set her running shoes on her “school desk” and packed her lunch and backpack for the first day of homeschool, mimicking all the routines she looks forward to daily, she saw her 2 year old brother streaking through the room in his diaper knocking everything upside down. And when we sat down for our first morning assignment, her 5 year old brother started complaining it was too hard, gave up, and wandered to the kitchen, relentlessly calling for second breakfast. But, I keep reminding myself that their classroom teachers are their best teachers for their school environment and Shawn and I are their best teachers here, now, at home, in the midst of this tumult. We know our children’s fears, failures, and emotional tendencies and can stop our lesson to attend to them. We also know what excites them, what encourages them and motivates them. We can sit and observe them more closely, offering enough assistance to be helpful, so they don’t struggle to the point of giving up, but not too much help that we end up completing the task for them. Not only will you start noticing where your child needs more of a challenge and where they may need to slow down, you will also have the pleasure of being able to follow their curiosities. If we can let ourselves deviate from the plan, we will find ourselves exploring concepts that truly excite our children. Ryan Wiebe, another parent at St. Margaret’s, shared a peek into his homeschooling life last week with a picture of his 3 sons gathered around the kitchen table amidst an assortment of random household objects; pvc piping, a 5L water jug, ducting, pots and pans, and what looked like the makings of a fluid dynamics lesson on hydro power or water supply. Ryan, reflecting on his first week of homeschooling says, “I’ve lowered my expectations and pressure I’ve put on myself. I’ve shifted my focus to try to capitalize on their natural curiosity. If you listen it’s incredible how many interesting questions they ask. This project started when my oldest son said ‘imagine if we could make a water track just like a marble track’”. And so they did. Every parent wants to see their child love learning for the sake of learning. I’m hoping that over the course of this homeschooling experience I will notice my children drawing their motivation less from a desire to please the teacher or complete the task and more from a self-confidence that they have the right questions to ask and with the right amount of guidance, they can experiment, find failures, grow and maybe find the answers.
If, like me, you have days where you find yourself discouraged in the middle of this homeschooling journey we have landed in, feeling like you’re just barely keeping your head above water, wondering if you’re making the right decisions when there’s really no precedence to follow, wondering if you’re missing opportunities, wondering if their school teachers yell as much as you do (they must, right?), remember these words from Philip Mamalakis’ “Parenting Toward the Kingdom”,
Kids don’t need perfect parents, just repentant parents.
The author writes, “Our children don’t need us to be perfect, but they need us to be courageous in recognizing our mistakes and faithful in repenting. They do best when we are on the path of healing and growth. And that is the path of repentance and confession. It is not enough for us just to feel bad or feel like we’ve failed. Repentance is different than remorse or guilt. It is about admitting our mistake, asking for forgiveness, and being committed to do things in a different way… The joy of restored relationships is the fruit of repentance and confession…Even difficult days filled with struggles, mistakes, and frustrations can be beautiful and deeply connecting when they end with forgiveness and repentance, ready for another day.”
-Aly